Friday, September 22

Phil said

I should post this story,
and since I was nearly peeing my pants remembering it, just moments after it happened last weekend, it's probably a keeper...
My good friend Dave and I share a common interest in home remodeling and repair, some of you may know. To that end, we took a little road trip to Milwaukee last weekend to some home improvement expo or another - evidently they all run together to me and I can't be bothered to look up which one it was - thus making their ad agency burst into tears. Unless they decide to read on, in which case, they will know I am NOT their target market anyway, and it's fine.
Dave and I, who is my friend and not my husband, therefore we do not share a house, nor appliances, thus confusing all vendors we encountered, had a loverly time at the home show. We observed amazing innovations in ... um.... well, there were windows. And cool kitchen appliances. And there was paint. Dave offered to buy all the windows a certain sexist gentleman had ever sold if he could guess the recent purchase sitting in Dave's driveway. The gentleman could not. All in all, a good time, until..... The Home Depot display. There, SalesMan Friendly wanted to show all of the features of the very sparkly new LG washer and dryer. They were a billionty dollars in addition to being red metallic. SMF suggested Dave get one of this model, one from their previous model (blue metallic) and the white bases and get all patriotic on his laundry. Dave pointed out that he already had a blue washer and a red dryer (oddly enough) thanks to the help of Rustoleum spray paint. SMF looks at me (presumably "the wife") and with a thumbing motion over his shoulder says, "bet she loved that!" My response was, "My washing machine has a penguin on it." in about the most matter-of-fact way you can state something that is, in truth, a matter of fact. At this point, SMF gives me the blink-blink, looks at Dave, looks at me, determines I'm retarded, and continues to talk to Dave about the features of the LG washer and dryer for another 20 minutes without ever addressing me again. Now, this was practically the end of the show, and I have to admit I was a bit pooped, and it really didn't even occur to me until we were driving back home that this was the case. And then it did. And then I couldn't stop laughing. I was crying I was laughing so hard. He really didn't ever speak to me again - you mention penguins once and you're cut off - that's the rule, I guess. Fair enough.
Next time, though, we're definitely going with a back-story. If I'm going to be retarded, it's not going to be an accident.
As an aside - for some reason I decided to spell-check this post (clearly if you check past posts, not a habit of mine) and blogger wanted me to replace peeing with penis... I'm just saying... people pee, therefore peeing should be a word, right?